Bringing creative sanctuary to caregiving
September 2023 Good News
Ahava Shira is a writer, dancer, multimedia artist, and as of recently, a caregiver to her husband Gregory, who has Parkinson’s disease (PD). Originally from Montreal, she headed west on a transformative journey of self-discovery at the age of 25, leaving behind her close-knit Jewish community to seek a connection with nature and uncover her true self. After publishing a book of poetry, a powerful testament to her healing from the wounds of childhood violence, Ahava put down roots on beautiful and serene Salt Spring Island, where she met Gregory. He was one of her first students in a class she was teaching on writing and dance. Soon after, they became dance partners, in life and on the dance floor.
Ahava and Gregory
Having undergone her own creative healing journey, Ahava was hired to co-develop and facilitate a violence prevention program for middle and high school students. After training schools across BC and in Eastern Canada to deliver the program, Ahava pursued a PhD in Language and Literacy Education from the University of British Columbia. It was here that she pioneered a therapeutic process known as "Loving Inquiry,” which harnesses the power of writing, creativity, and mindfulness to help individuals develop inner resources to cope with the challenges of life.
Having supported a diversity of clients through Loving Inquiry, including youth and adults with mental illness, adults with chronic illness and women in various stages of life transition, Ahava has recently started to offer it as a creative sanctuary for caregivers. This transformation was brought on by an unforeseen challenge neither she nor Gregory ever envisioned. While the world was gripped by the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic, Gregory, a house designer and builder, who prides himself on his preparedness for the unexpected, began experiencing several puzzling health issues. These included unexplained weight loss, trembling limbs, and an unsteady gait.
In 2020, the diagnosis arrived: Parkinson’s disease. Ahava and Gregory chose to embrace the support of their loved ones, openly sharing the news with friends and family. They found a community of others on similar roads within their innermost circle; two long-time friends and meditation companions whose husbands also had PD immediately became “care sisters.”
Ahava says she has always prioritized the pursuits of writing, creativity, and caring for herself, opting not to have children for this very reason. However, her new life as a caregiver saw a rearrangement of her and Gregory’s roles within their relationship. Gregory had always been self-reliant, happy to do most of the cooking (and what a fabulous cook he is!) as well as other domestic duties. As his body slowed and weakened, and his fine motor skills deteriorated, Ahava stepped in to take on more of these tasks. There were many moments of confusion and conflict between the two as they grappled with their new reality. Grief became a regular visitor, from the immediate loss of intimacy to the anticipation of further losses. Fortunately, Ahava and Gregory deeply value kindness and compassion, and have been finding ways to express these to each other daily.
Ahava also practices mindfulness and other meditative techniques, enjoys walks in nature, where she can feel safe and inspired by the natural beauty of the world, and tries to remember to speak tenderly to herself. Writing and other creative practices help her quieten mental chatter and soothe the parts of herself that feel neglected or ignored. “Immersed in the creative process, through writing, dancing, and artmaking, I let go of the stress and pressure of caregiving for a while, express my aliveness, and wonder at the beauty of existence,” she says. “In this way, I can hold and carry myself through the difficulties.”
Currently working on her own memoir about how we weather the changes in our relationships called Touching Wood: A Story of Leaving and Becoming Home, Ahava also writes a weekly newsletter about her experience of tending herself as she cares for Gregory.
To subscribe to What the Day Holds, where she also shares tips and inspiration for fellow caregivers/carepartners, please visit www.ahavashira.substack.com
To learn more about Ahava, please visit her website at www.lovinginquiry.com